This Is Dan (AKA Saltyblowfish)

If chaos had a Discord username—

It would probably be:

Saltyblowfish.

Which somehow suited Dan far too well.

Nobody really questioned where the name came from anymore.

It just…

Fit.

Slightly dramatic.

A bit weird.

Oddly aggressive sounding for someone who was actually soft underneath.

And absolutely unforgettable.

Because Dan—

Or Saltyblowfish, depending on whether you knew him online or in person—

was impossible to ignore.

Loud.

Bouncy.

Flirtatious.

A complete pain in the arse.

ADHD-riddled in the most spectacular way possible.

The kind of man who could start six conversations, forget what he walked into a room for, randomly remember something from three weeks ago and somehow still end up making everyone laugh.

Dan didn’t really do quiet.

He entered rooms like energy itself had arrived.

Usually talking.

Laughing.

Taking the piss.

Or accidentally causing chaos.

Flirtatious.

Very flirtatious.

Honestly—

Dan would flirt with just about anyone.

Men.

Women.

Friends.

Enemies.

People who accidentally made eye contact.

Half the time nobody even knew if he was serious.

Especially in the group chat.

Poor Lee, Neil, and James had all been victims at some point.

Mostly James.

Because James always accidentally walked into it.

One evening in the group chat, James had innocently written:

James: I need my bed.

Perfectly normal sentence.

Completely harmless.

Dan, naturally—

Saw opportunity.

Dan: Nothing better than your own bed.

Everyone assumed that was the end of it.

Until James replied:

James: Rather be in yours.

The group chat paused.

Several people typing.

Several people immediately deleting.

Because nobody quite knew where this was going.

Dan, however—

Committed immediately.

Dan: Flirty 😏
Come on then, big boy.

Absolute chaos.

Neil was crying laughing.

Lee had put:

Lee: Jesus Christ 😂

Danny had simply responded:

Danny: Not again.

And somewhere in the middle of all of it—

Naomi saw the messages.

She looked over at Dan.

Then slowly reacted in the only reasonable way possible.

Angry emojis.

Several of them.

😡😡😡

Dan burst out laughing.

“You’re jealous.”

Naomi rolled her eyes.

“Honestly,” she laughed, “I leave you unsupervised for five minutes.”

Dan grinned proudly.

“He started it.”

James immediately replied:

James: I absolutely did not.

Dan: Screenshots say otherwise.

Naomi shook her head.

“You are genuinely a pain in the arse.”

Dan smiled.

“But I’m your pain in the arse.”

That, annoyingly—

Was true.

And honestly?

Nobody would’ve changed him.